Theory has its place, but an example often makes learning something much easier. In many areas, an example of a mistake or poor quality is an even more effective teacher than examples of the correct technique so here is such an example to learn from…
A while ago, I received an email with the subject
“Hi Tash, Turn your boring resumes into powerful documents that gets jobs!”
It didn’t impress me but I read the start of the email as well:
“Hi Tash, Turn your boring resumes into powerful documents that gets jobs! We can give it a Complete Overhaul. Using our skills and experience we enhance your resume…”
The most obvious issue is repeating the subject as the opening lines of the email. Why bother? Apart from the fact that it is boring the read exactly the same sentence twice, it is a waste of time as you need to keep things moving to retain people’s attention.
The job of an email subject is to catch attention to entice people to read your email. Once they are actually reading the email, you need to give them reason to keep reading – the same piece of text can’t be used in both situations. If the subject is about taking a boring résumé and making it powerful, start the email with something about what a powerful résumé can do or how easy it is to be boring unintentionally in a résumé.
There are also grammatical issues in the subject and email. For instance ‘documents that gets jobs’ should be ‘documents that get jobs’ and capital letters are not necessary for Turn, Complete and Overhaul. It would also be better to write ‘we can enhance you résumé’ or ‘we will enhance’ and add a comma after ‘using our skills and experience’.
I would also raise the question of how many résumés do they think I have? They refer to my boring résumés becoming powerful documents but having one resume seems like a more reasonable assumption to me. True, you can have variants of a résumé to suit any particular job application, but you generally have one master résumé. It seems to me they are focussing on their point of view (ie lots of résumés) rather than thinking about how their potential clients see things.
Subject: How about a powerful résumé that gets you jobs, Tash?
Body: Hi Tash,
Did you know many people have a boring résumé despite their best efforts?
Your resume could be much more powerful and effective. Using our skills and experience, we can review and improve your résumé and …